Back to School

Confession: I'm SO not looking forward to school starting.  Last year my oldest went to school for about 3 hours in the morning.  This year he will be in school for SEVEN.  Yes, SEVEN hours.

I know he's ready.
I know he will be okay.
I know he will enjoy it.

But...

I'm not ready.
I'm not okay.
I'm not prepared to enjoy it.

Last year he started 4K.  That 3 hours went SO slow at the beginning of the year, I admit, it went a little faster toward the end of the year. I was so anxious to go pick him up.  To ask how his day was.  To find out if he ate snack.  To hear what he learned.  Now this year is quickly approaching and I'm pretty sad.

My big five year old.  The boy who made me a mom.  The one who is so caring and compassionate, also a little sassy...he's starting his journey of long days at school and for the next THIRTEEN years he will be gone for the majority of his weeks.  Away from our family.  Learning and growing and becoming a successful student.

All I want for him is to be kind, responsible and respectful.  I want him to make friends.  To eat his lunch, even the healthy parts.  I want him to know that his school is a safe place where he has many adults he can talk to and be honest with if he's feeling like something isn't right.  I want him to stick up for his friends and be someone his classmates can count on.  I want him to make his friends smile when they are sad, just like he does for his brother.  I want him to make new friends and learn to ask them their names if he can't remember:)  I want him to be the most brilliant crayon in the box.

I hear a lot of parents saying they are ready for school to start, that they want their time back and the summer to be over.  They say the summer is dragging on for them.  And I'm sure this is true.  Once you are used to your children being gone during the day.  That's normal, that's routine.  It's what you do.  But I'm not there...yet.  I know I'll get there, but I'm not close yet.

The one single thing I'm most excited for is more time with my little man.  I'm so excited to plan fun things for us to do and see friends with kids his age.  For him to be the only one fighting for my attention.

Having kids is hard.  We know this.  But going through these major changes is SUPER hard.  I'm a lefty, a right-brained person.  I like plans and schedules.  I like to know what to expect and to be in control of things.  It's my nature.  I like knowing my kids are safe and I like being that safe haven for them. Having a child in school, out of my care is not a comfortable feeling for me.  I'm a mom, it's what I know and it's all I've done for the past 5+ years.  That's it.

Am I the only one feeling this way?  Do I sound like I need some wine??  Ha!
But in all seriousness.  If you feel this same way, how do you deal?

Are you a veteran parent who has sent their kids off to school for years now?
Did you feel this way at some point?
What did you do to ease your fears?

I hope everyone enjoys their first day back.  I hope to jump back here and proclaim that I didn't shed a single tear.  We shall see.